Socialism!

From a viral e-mail entitled, "I Am a Conservative Shitheel."

This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock powered by electricity generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the US department of energy. I then took a shower in the clean water provided by the municipal water utility. After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC regulated channels to see what the National Weather Service of the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration determined the weather was going to be like, using satellites designed, built, and launched by the National Aeronautics and Space Administration. I watched this while eating my breakfast of US Department of Agriculture inspected food and taking the drugs which have been determined as safe by the Food and Drug Administration.

At the appropriate time as regulated by the US Congress and kept accurate by the National Institute of Standards and Technology and the US Naval Observatory, I get into my National Highway Traffic Safety Administration approved automobile and set out to work on the roads build by the local, state, and federal departments of transportation, possibly stopping to purchase additional fuel of a quality level determined by the Environmental Protection Agency, using legal tender issed by the Federal Reserve Bank. On the way out the door I deposit any mail I have to be sent out via the US Postal Service and drop the kids off at the public school.

After spending another day not being maimed or killed at work thanks to the workplace regulations imposed by the Department of Labor and the Occupational Safety and Health Administration, enjoying another two meals which again do not kill me because of the USDA, I drive my NHTSA car back home on the DOT roads, to ny house which has not burned down in my absence because of the state and local building codes and fire marshal's inspection, and which has not been plundered of all it's valuables thanks to the local police department.

I then log on to the internet which was developed by the defense advanced research projects administration and post on freerepublic and Fox news forums about how SOCIALISM in medicine is BAD because the government can't do anything right.

Presidential Fly Swatting

(with hat tips to Steerpike, D.N. Nation, Woodrowfan and the commenters at Sadly, No!)

Barack Obama swatted a fly.

George W. would have run from the room or hidden under his desk while Cheney agitated for a Global War On Files.

Clinton would have dazzled the fly with a big, folksy grin, convincing it to establish a Housefly PAC to lobby for federal funds.

Bush Sr. would have ordered the fly to be assassinated, and make it look like an accident.

Reagan would have kept talking, oblivious to the fly’s presence, even when it landed on his unblinking, glassy eyes and started laying eggs.

Carter would have mediated a housefly summit, with a breakthrough agreement for a homeland, and protected international status for all displaced insect refugees.

Ford would have tried to swat the fly, but miss, giving himself a black eye, and, somehow, a broken leg.

Nixon would have disintegrated it in mid-flight with laser-beams emitted from his eyes.

LBJ would have offered it a massive public works project if it’d go away.

JFK would have had Bobby kill it. Slowly. Just to watch it die.

Ike would have had Dulles and the CIA off it.

Truman would have nailed it with a bottle.

FDR would have started a public works project to eliminate flies prompting the republicans to start campaigning on a “pro-fly” platform.

Hoover would have tried to swat it, and missed.

Coolidge would have gone to take a nap while Mellon gave another tax cut to himself.

Harding would have made it a member of his cabinet and invited it to his poker game.

Wilson would have had one of the “colored” servants deal with it or would simply had glared it to death.

Taft would wonder how Roosevelt would handle it, then pass it off to the Senate to deal with.

Teddy Roosevelt would have gleefully shot it through the heart and mounted its head on the wall.

McKinley would have swatted it, and then covered its body with a white handkerchief.

Cleveland would have declared that swatting flies was none of the government’s business and vetoed a bill.

Harrison: who cares?

Arthur: Would have swatted it, much to the surprise of the fly who expected to get a kickback.

Garfield: would have dithered what to do until Blaine came in to kill the fly for him.

Hayes: would have let his wife gently removed the fly from the room.

Grant: would have killed it with cigar smoke.

Johnson: would have let the fly run for Congress from one of the former confederate states.

Lincoln: would have tried one fly swatter after another until he found one that works damnit!

Buchanan: would have run shrieking from the room like a little girl.

Pierce: would have had another drink.

Fillmore: would have killed it while the fly wondered who the hell “Fillmore” was.

Taylor: would have told the North he was pro fly swatting while telling the South he was against it. In the meantime Henry Clay would kill the fly.

Polk: Would have invaded Mexico to kill flies there!

Tyler: whatever he did, both the Whigs and Democrats would hate him for it.

Harrison: would have tried to kill the fly but would drop dead trying.

Van Buren: Would form a coalition of northern and southern fly swatters.

Jackson: Would kill the fly AND a few Indians just for the hell of it.

J.Q. Adams: would have killed the fly but while speaking French (Adams, not the fly.)

Monroe: Would have had JQ Adams kill the fly for him.

Madison: Would have tried to get the British and French to compete to kill the fly.

Jefferson: would have killed the fly, and then studied it under a microscope.

Adams: would have blamed Jefferson for the fly then slapped the fly in jail for insulting the President.

Washington: would have killed the fly in a gentlemanly manner thus setting the model for future Presidents’ fly-killing.

Violence Begets Violence

How long is it going to be before our political establishment wakes up to the terrorist movement in our midst? How long is it going to be before our government gets serious about taking on this religious fundamentalist insanity that threatens the regular citizenry?

How many times did we hear those questions out of the mouths of the very same fuckwits who are now in some measure responsible for the assassination of Dr. George Tiller in Kansas?

Projection, thy name is Christianist.

And now you fuckers can reap the whirlwind.

The Change He Promised

Man, it's just so HARD to get outraged any more. After eight years of a Republican administration that was simultaneously corrupt, incompetent, vicious, incoherent, and cunning I just can't find it in me to get mad at Obama for his "betrayals" of progressivism.

Take last night's speech. He basically gave the GOP a choice- Help him fix this mess, stand aside while he fixes this mess, or suffer the wrath of the American people for stopping him from fixing this mess.

And the Republican "response"? In addition to being insane and laughably delivered, basically came down to "we'd rather be kicked in the face". So we can very much look forward to many many MANY hilarious days of GOP whining about "oppression" and evil government. Bring it, kiddies. While you cry, the Administration will bring this country back on track toward a 21st Century prosperity. You know, the opportunity you squandered with tax cuts and outrageous, wasteful spending on warfare.

Sabotage!

The Greatest Hits of George W Bush- Part Three: Responsible Steward of the Earth

In the waning days of the Clinton Administration, a new environmental protection rule came down from the Interior Department- the Roadless Area Conservation Rule. This rule sought to protect the remaining wild areas of the United States from unchecked despoliation from overuse. Some fifty-eight million acres of National Forests and grasslands were placed off limits to road construction and most logging, drilling, and mining.

This sounds like a lot- it is barely more than 30 percent of lands managed by the U.S. Forest Service.

Bush immediately (on Feb 5, 2001) suspended the rule, of course. Because conservatives hate few things more than the idea that business depends on environmental preservation.

The Greatest Hits of George W. Bush - Part Two: Bigot

"I don't think that witchcraft is a religion. I wish the military would rethink this decision."
-- George W. Bush to ABCNEWS, June, 1999

I told you this wouldn't be in any particular order.

Nevermind that the default Christian mindset recoils at the word "witchcraft". Nevermind that the Bible itself enjoins its believers to kill such (even though the verse clearly cannot mean modern Wiccans).

The decade of the 1990s saw an unprecedented explosion in the popular depiction of witchcraft and magical religion in the media. Movies like The Craft and television shows like Charmed, for all their flaws, presented a view of witchcraft and neopaganism that allowed for the possibility that Pagans were not all leering, evil, manipulative seducers bent on corrupting the young and killing the virtuous. News shows talked (seemingly endlessly) about Paganism, educating the populace about the practice and the believers.

And still after all this, George W. Bush said:

I don't think that witchcraft is a religion.

Well then what the fuck is it, George? Yet another warning sign that too many people simply glossed over.